Amour Amour (Aerial Ethereal #1)

Am I a mistake—” “No, myshka. You’re just the unexpected, beautiful thing in my life.

But when I catch my expression in my floor-length mirror, a dark scowl tightens my facial muscles. It's my normal look, unforturnately. I have RBF (resting bitch face). It's one-hundred percent real.

Diet Fizz as a chaser,” Nikolai says, “or a Fizz Life.

He is power. Man. And strength. He is charm and desire and indestructible things.
I want to emit an equivalent passion. I want to be strength and desire. But I’m not sure how to match him and still move. It’s easy to be confident in the face of average-standing competition. It’s hard to pretend you’re something greater in the face of someone who’s already beyond great.

He’s made me appreciate myself more, love myself more, and as a result, I’ve come to see him as more than just a great athlete, a charismatic performer.
Nikolai Kotova is the sum of his brothers and sister. And more.
He is selfless, loyal, dedicated and wholly determined—the most responsible twenty-six-year-old, the most mature man. He is power and strength. But most importantly, he is love. And family.
He kisses me again, his hand warming the back of my neck. “Whatever happens, just know that the parts of my life with you have been my favorite.

He's thinking about sex. I'm thinking about sex. We're all thinking about sex here.

How do you two even work?” His face is still in that grimace. “Are you always on top?

I admire your courage. I know what you’ve given up to be here. I know the kind of artist it takes to land a role. I know that you won’t receive one on your own. And I imagine you, myshka, two years from now, working at Phantom with the same aspirations, the same dreams, in the same place where you are now. It’s wasted courage. And wasted love. You shouldn’t have to waste those things.”
I’m speechless.
And overwhelmed. When someone reaches out and gives you a hand—for no other reason than to see your success—it’s powerful. And rare.
He wipes beneath my eye with his thumb. “I’d rather feed your hunger than watch you starve

I am my biggest cheerleader. Always have been. Probably always will be.

I’d help you every day so that you could see a better tomorrow. I will never give you less than that.

I’m average. I’ve been average most of my life, but there are moments where I feel extraordinary. Invincible. Able to conquer any fear and step outside any box. There is no illusion, no fantasy. I can climb a forty-foot pole. I can fly eighty-feet in the air. I can be taller than tall. It’s a dream that I’m living. Every day. With him.

I'm clawing at something that doesn't want me. And to say goodbye is like severing a part of me that I can't easily replace.

I’m feeling a lot lamer than usual. I mean, I know I’m half-lame most of the time, with flat comebacks and unintentional demonic glares. But I’m reaching new levels.

I’m in love with you,” I whisper.
He tries to smile but his eyes flood instead. “Don’t love me more than your dreams, myshka. Because I love you too much to let you give them up for me.

I’m sure if the carpet had eyes, it’d be fixated on his cock too.

It’s like leaving the bathroom with a piece of toilet paper hanging from my pants.

I’ve found that life is a series of crossroads, dead-ends and U-turns. There is no real destination. There is no goal to end all goals. As long as we’re living, we’ll always keep driving.

Life is a rollercoaster with no volunteers. We’re all forced to take a seat and ride it out.

My life has never felt more complicated, but this is a complication that I'd rather exist than not have at all.

One out of one-fifty. That’s how unlucky I am.

She’s not my type! While her ambitions are slightly endearing, they’re mostly delusional! But that’s not even the problem.” I did catch that compliment in there. I mean, this could be worse. Right?
“What’s the problem?” Nikolai asks, opening the floodgates.
“She has a vagina!” The music switched songs right when he screamed that. It came out so much louder than it should have.

She’s trying to find herself. Some days I still wonder if I’ve found me. Maybe we never stop searching. Maybe we evolve the way seasons change, seamlessly without really knowing, not until all the leaves have fallen. This is who I am today. Tomorrow I may be the same. But in years, I’ll be someone else. Someone I may like more. Someone I may like less. And that’s okay. Because I’m still living.

The things greater than us, Thora, they’re not impossible. It’s just fear talking, telling you that you can’t when you can. I know you can.

This was unintentional.”
It became something more without noticing. Without realizing. “Am I a mistake—”
“No, myshka. You’re just the unexpected, beautiful thing in my life.

Trust me.”
“I don’t even know you,” I say softly, adrenaline pulsating through my veins. He has led me to the precipice of a cliff, pushed me off, and now he’s clasping my wrist. He can let go at any moment, and I will fall.
“Every day,” he says lowly, “I hold a person’s life in my hands. The circus is based one-hundred percent off trust. I give it all to someone, and they give it all to me. I’m asking you, right now, to trust me.

We all traverse in and out of people’s worlds, leaving footprints. Some larger, some smaller, but there is always a mark. We can’t sweep it away.

We’re not going to fit together.”
“We are,” he says lowly. “In all ways.

What black eyes you have…”
“All the better to devour you with.

Why are you so patient with me?” I whisper.
“Because every part of me wants to take care of you.

You’re supposed to stare at me like I’m a devil, not a god.”
Wittier words actually come to me, my face lighting before I say, “I think you’ve always been both.