Another Day (Every Day #2)

Being with someone for over a year can mean that you love them...but it can also mean you're trapped.[...] There are many things that can keep you in a relationship.[...] Fear of being alone. Fear of disrupting the arrangement of your life. A decision to settle for something that's okay, because you don't know if you can get any better. Or maybe there's the irrational belief that it will get better, even if you know he won't change.

Even though you're not my type, gender-wise, you're my type, person-wise.

Get shitfaced, then face the shit.

He’s a fuckup, but he’s my fuckup,” and I thought, Oh, shit, I really shouldn’t be relating to this, but I am, and so what? That has to be what love is—seeing what a mess he is and loving him anyway, because you know you’re a mess, too, maybe even worse.

I can make up my homework, but I can't make up my life.

I can’t stand being mean. People playing games. I want to guard myself against it, but I make a shitty guard for my own heart. I would rather lose the game than play it. I would rather be hurt than be mean. Because I can live with myself if I’m hurt. I don’t think I could live with myself if I were mean.

I find myself looking into people's eyes more than I ever did before. And I realize, that's where we stop being a certain gender or color. Just look right into the center of the eye.

- I know that deep down, I mean the world to him.
- Deep down? [...] You shouldn't have to venture deep down in order to get to love.

I'm just wondering why people stay together," I say. "Why they connect in the first place, and what keeps that connection is strong. I want it to be all things inside---who you are,
what you believe. But what if the things on the outside are just as important? When I was little, I was always worried I'd fall in love with someone ugly. Like Shrek. Then I figured that love would make anyone beautiful to me, if I love them enough. I want to believe that. I want to believe that you can love someone so strongly that none of it will matter. But what if it does?

...I read it a lot, whenever I find it in a library. Partly because I find new things every time I read it, but also because these books are always there for me. All of them are there for me. My life changes all the time, but books don't change. Your reading of them changes--you can bring new things to them each time. But the words are familiar words. The world is a place you've been before, and it welcomes you back.

I tell him goodbye instead - a kind of goodbye that's never, ever final.

It hurts that I can be so full of him while he's so empty of me.

It is real in such an intense way that it feels unreal, too.

It's a goodbye to some things, and hello to others" -A

...It's just nice to see you out from his shadow. Because things don't grow in the shadows, you know? So it was frustrating to see you standing there...and really cool to see you step out of it. I don't know who this new guy is, but make sure when you're with him, you're not standing in his shadow. Stand where everyone can see you.

It's so natural to drag a good thing down. It takes a lot of control to let it be what it is." -Rhiannon

It wouldn't be fair to ask you to be around me when I'm so sick of being around me.

Maybe this is what alone really is — finding out how tiny your world is, and not knowing how to get anywhere else.

Maybe this is what we've needed all along. Distance from everything else, and closeness to each other.

Most of the time when we think we're looking for death, we're really looking for love.

My life changes all the time, but books don't change. My reading of them changes-- I can bring new things to them each time. But the words are familiar words. The world is a place you've been before, and it welcomes you back.

Nothing gold can stay [...] so I guess we'll have to be silver.

One last song. One last turn. One last street. No matter how hard you try to keep hold of a day, it's going to leave you" -Rhiannon

Part of the problem is words. The fact that there are separate words for HE and SHE, HIM and HER. I've never thought about it before, how divisive this is. Like maybe if there was just one pronoun for all of us, we wouldn't get so caught on that difference.

So I get to be the bitch now? Fine. Then you, my friend, are the scary girl. 'He doesn't hit me. He doesn't abuse me. He doesn't cheat on me.' Can you hear yourself? If those are the standards you have--hey, he hasn't punched me, so everything must be okay!--that scares me. That makes me think that at some point you've used these justifications. 'Oh, it's really bad right now, and he's being awful...but at least he's not hitting me. Have a little more respect for yourself than that, okay?

That has to be what love is - seeing what a mess he is and loving him anyway, because you know you're a mess, too, maybe even worse.

The car can smile all it wants, but that doesn't mean you can see the driver's expression.

Whatever we shared is gone, because it was destined to be gone from the minute it started.

What's the point of something virtual if it doesn't end up being real?

When I leave my own house, there's always a part of me that stays behind, waiting for me to get back. That's what makes it my home - that feeling that a part of me is always waiting for me there.