Evenfall (In the Company of Shadows #1)

After all, a life without living was simply a death without dying. What more was there to fear or hate but life, endless life, with no respite?

After all, a life without living was simply a death without dying. What more was there to fear or hate but life, endless life, with no respite?
(Sin)

A life without living was simply a death without dying.

Apparently he was supposed to be respectful to potential employers and maintain friendly eye contact while keeping his body language amiable. It was obvious why his tactic of glaring them into submission and demanding a job had not worked.

...Are you always this charming after a morning blowjob or am I just lucky?" (Boyd)

Fuck you," he ground out.
"No thanks, sweetheart. That brief moment of insanity has passed." (Sin)

Generally ‘training’ went something akin to this:
“So what you have to do is—“
Shoot you in the fucking head with your own gun because it would be painfully easy to disarm you with the way you’re holding that weapon.
“Understand?”
Sin stared at the man blankly before raising his own weapon and unloading his entire clip into the paper target. He didn’t speak and didn’t even look at where he was shooting before placing the standard issued gun in front of him as he watched his ‘trainer’ expectantly.
The man, whose name he had not bothered to pay attention to, gave him a strange look and examined the target as it slid closer to them from across the range. His expression became incredulous as he took in the completely obliterated ‘head’ and he turned on Sin with a frown. “You killed it.”
“Yes.”
“You were only supposed to immobilize it…”
“Oh.”
Fucking civilians.

He didn't know how to be someone's friend. That had been proven by the brilliant idea of murdering someone as a present. He definitely didn't know how to approach someone as a lover. That had been more than proven by what had happened at the hotel in France.

He looked in front of him again, towards the man he had been talking to, but no one was there. Boyd blinked in surprise and stared at the shadows. It was a dead end alley with the only exit past Boyd and the walls of the surrounding buildings were straight up with no way to climb them. Where the hell did he go? Boyd hadn't heard even a whisper of movement. Granted, there was the commotion behind him, but that shouldn't have mattered.
Boyd didn't spend much time on it, though. He just shook his head and muttered to himself in Kadin's drawl, "The fuck is he, the Mexican Batman?

His voice wavered and he looked down abruptly, at last making some vain effort to hide the shameful tears that tracked down his cheeks even as he continued to pin Boyd against the wall. 'I wish I could hate you. God, I wish I could fucking kill you for doing this to me. Why couldn't you just leave me alone if it was going to be this way?

I don't want to go back to the way I fucking was. I don't want to go back to being alone and having to be nothing but a weapon. I don't want to pretend that I don't--" [Sin] stopped again and realized with a vague sense of humiliation that he was about to display the ultimate form of human weakness. "I can't do it without you," he grit out. "I won't.

If there was a hell beyond what he knew, he would welcome it. He had no reason not to.

After all, a life without living was simply a death without dying. What more was there to fear or hate but life, endless life, with no respite?

I had more to say,” Sin said, still looking frustrated. “But it doesn’t come out right when I try. I always say the wrong things.”
Boyd nodded but he was so caught by their proximity, by the green of Sin’s eyes, that at first he struggled with his own words.
“It’s alright,” he said at last. “As long you don’t hate me, it’s enough.”
“That is not enough,” Sin growled. “Not by a goddamn long shot. You just have no idea, Boyd. No fucking clue.”
“About what?”
“Everything. Why I acted the way I did…Why I was so pissed off. It will never make any sense to you because I don’t know how to explain.”
“So try,” Boyd pressed. “Please.”
“I don’t know how.

Intelligence doesn't always equate to common sense. Or, for that matter, the ability to fully choose one's path in life.

Standing back and staring blankly at the glass, he realized he had no idea what it meant to preheat. Obviously he heated it prior to something, but to what?
-Boyd

I've survived a winter in Siberia when I was ten."
"What were you doing in a Siberia at ten years old?" Boyd asked dubiously.
"Searching for Santa Claus" (Sin)

Keep the fucking melodrama to a minimum."
(Sin)

Relieved beyond measure, Boyd gave Sin an 'I told you so' look to which Sin replied with a 'No you fucking didn't, you were just lucky' look.

Sin stared at him as he chewed, cream smeared across his mouth and smudged on the other side of it. It shouldn't have been possible to glare and eat like a child at the same time, but somehow Sin pulled it off.

Sin was like puzzle pieces floating on a river; once a few were placed together, the current pulled the outer edges apart and scattered the pieces away once again.

Sometimes the love of a friend is the purest kind. Unless you’re rich and very generous, the love of a friend is usually unconditional and more genuine than anything else in the world.

They stood in silence for a few moments with Ryan watching him carefully. He was fiddling with his t-shirt and scuffing his sneaker against the floor as he appeared to turn something over in his mind. His expression went through a variety of metamorphoses before he finally sighed and shook his head.
"Y'know, I'm not a big expert on this stuff. I've never even been in a real relationship and I'm twenty-five, but like..." He trailed off for a minute, bit his lip and then shrugged before pressing on. "But I saw the way both of you guys were at the start of this whole thing, and if you two could have that kind of intense fire stuff considering the way you both were... I dunno, I wouldn't give up so easy. But then again, maybe I read too much fanfic.

They were best friends and partners who'd finally gotten over all the bullshit and had come to terms with the mutual attraction, deciding that fucking was better than always being so tense about it. That was the end of the story.

What am I, your wife?' Boyd asked him, highly amused.
Sin seemed to consider that for a moment. 'You would need to exchange bodies with my new boss for that. You can be my slave instead.'
Boyd could not help a startled laugh at that. 'I don't know if I like the idea of being your slave,' he informed him with one eyebrow arched in challenge. 'The very nature of that relationship would imply I get no compensation and I just can't agree to that.'
'You get to be in my presence. That should be sufficient compensation.

What do you want?” Boyd whispered.

“You—

When someone believes in you, it's miraculous how you
suddenly start to believe in yourself, how you suddenly want to become the person that hey see." (McCall)

When they were partially up the stairs and mostly out of earshot, Sin looked at Boyd again. 'Don't get killed or I'll be very annoyed with you.

You aren’t how I imagined my assassin to be. You’re too beautiful and tragic.

You have the amazing ability to be both arrogant and completely stupid simultaneously" (Sin)

Your stamina is impressive," he commented. There was a beat of silence and Sin said with a scoff, "I could say something, but I'll refrain.