Undead and Unwed (Undead #1)

…and who are you, anyway?"
"I'm Tina.”
"Thank goodness!” I said so loudly she stepped back. "No silly-ass overdone names for you, m'girl.”
"It's short for Christina Caresse Chavelle.”
"Well, you did the best you could.

Back off, boys. You don't want to mess with an out-of-work secretary. We're real testy.

...But that is not my scene and I'm outta here."
His hand shot out and grabbed me above the elbow. "Indeed, but you'll accompany me, I think." The stone face cracked and he almost smiled. "I insist on the pleasure of your company. We have much to talk about."
"My ass!

Can you burn me up with holy water? Poke me to death with your crucifix? Pelt me with communion wafers?

Crying's okay while it lasts, but you can only do it for so long. And it's weird to do it when you apparently can't make tears anymore (did this mean I wouldn't pee or sweat, either?). Anyway, eventually you're done, and you have to figure out what to do next.

Did vampirism encourage Stockholm syndrome?

... friends are such a mixed blessing.

Has anyone ever told you that you lack focus?

Hell couldn't be worse than a WalMart after midnight, right?

Here I am, just wandering down a deserted street in the middle of the night. I hope I don't run into any trouble. Goodness, that would just ruin my whole evening." I strolled and hummed, trying to project Innocent Victim.

I could have gone to medical school, I said. Except for all the math and stuff.

... if hanging with other vamps means I have to go the whole movie cliché route, then forget it.
Cemeteries? Acolytes? Partying in chilly mausoleums? Yuck-o. Also, nobody wears a tux this time of year unless they're going to a wedding. You look like an escapee from the set of Dracula Does Doris.

I mean, I wouldn't have wanted to be recognized. But I was kind of a prude about cheating on taxes, group sex, murder, and stuff.

I'm not playing vamp politics.

Interesting shade #23 Lush Golden Blonde highlights. Heyyyyyy.... The woman in the awful suit was me! The woman in the cheap shoes was me!

I slipped one of the shoes off, looked at the inside. Property of Antonia O'Neill Taylor. I knew it. My stepmother! The bitch meant to bury me wearing her cast off shoes!

I trudged around on the muddy river bottom for half an hour, patiently waiting to drown, before giving up and slogging my way back to shore.

I turned. Tall, Dark, and Sinister was rapidly approaching.

I've been stabbed before. Barely a week ago, in fact. AND I've been audited, AND I come from a broken home. In short - no offense, shorty - you don't scare me.

Jessica peeked into the bathroom, then hurried back to report. "They got that boy stripped mother naked and they're scrubbing him with your brand-new loofah."
I winced. Thirty-seven ninety-nine at The Body Shop, kaput.

Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I can't have a life.

Kissing Sinclair was like making out with a sexy timber wolf— he was licking my fangs and nipping me lightly and growling under his breath and it was...oh, it was really something.

Majesty, I beg your forgiveness for the idignity you suffered and offer you the head of our enemy as—"

"Put that thing down," I said impatiently. "I can't talk to you when you're shaking his head like a damned maraca.

Oh my God", Marc rhapsodized. "Who is that ?"
"An asshole," I mumbled, turning back to him and picking up my tea. I was so rattled I sloshed some of the hot liquid on my hand, but I didn't feel a thing.
"He's coming over here !" Marc squealed. "Oh my God, oh my God, ohmyGod!"
"Will you get a hold of yourself?" I hissed. "You sound like a girl with a crush. Ah-ha!

So you're a vampire?"
"Yes. But don't be scared. I'm still a nice person.

Tina was kneeling before me, holding Donald's head by the hair and very plainly trying to hand it to me. "Majesty, I beg your forgiveness for the indignity you suffered and offer you the head of our enemy as—"
"Put that thing down," I said impatiently. "I can't talk to you when you're shaking his head like a damned maraca.

Touch my things again, whether I'm dead or not, and I'll kick your ass up into your shoulder blades.

We have souls. Sure we do. Otherwise we'd do bad things all the time. You know, like
politicians.

Wow, girlfriend, you're incompatible with life!
And here I thought I was just incompatible with pink.

You'll pay," she said stonily. "You won't be like this by this time tomorrow."
"Bored and pissed off? God, I hope not.